My evening out

[junesleep]

Yesterday, I went out with my family to this holiday light show. It was pretty fun, but I got quite overwhelmed by 9:30 PM. I started getting worried about the drive back home, the crowd around us was getting louder, and I got a bit disoriented by all of the lights. But I tried to stay lighthearted, and my family kept checking to make sure I didn't get left behind or lost. When I get overwhelmed I go quiet and shut down, so they could tell it was getting to be too much for me. But I still had fun.

I was worried about going, because earlier I had a miscommunication/conflict with my mom and it triggered such bad paranoia that I locked myself in the bathroom, went completely mute, and just listened to funny music and tried breathing exercises. I really thought I was going to be killed! That's the very unfortunate part about experiencing paranoia, you think you are constantly unsafe and it can be very traumatizing to 100% believe that a loved one is going to kill you. It's hard to find closure for this type of trauma, though, because there is no "real" cause. My mom didn't really do anything wrong. Eventually I texted her my feelings, because I couldn't be verbal, and we apologized and made up for our parts in the argument. It was really scary though.

To leave this entry on a more positive note, I heard on YouTube that there is going to be a Moomin game about waking up from hibernation. That's pretty exciting! I wasn't into Moomin as a child, it just wasn't introduced to me. (I know that if I had found out about it back then I would have been obsessed with it). But as an adult I've really grown to enjoy the old show! EDIT: I found an article about this game!